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“Yeah, We’re Worshiping the Giant Owl In Secret, Want To Go Cry About It?: The Government
You guys act as if you’ve never seen people dressed in robes secretly worshiping a giant owl statue before..? What a bunch of cry-baby grown children you guys are LOL!” “Losers!” “What’s next, you want me to wipe your bottom and explain how the Easter Bunny doesn’t exist? Get over yourself.” “Yeah, we’re wearing robes…
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First “Latinx Donkey-Play” Congress Person Breaks Sexual and Racial Barriers, Public Reaction Divided
Washington D.C. – 1/17/2025 In what is a special day today, for everybody who wants to “push the limits with Donkey-Play a little bit”, Able Rodriquez “The first openly donkey play Latinx in congressperson” was sworn in today. “This is a great day for inclusion, equity, and diversity, and especially people who enjoy getting totally…
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Trump Says Greenland Invasion Imminent; But “Just The Tip Don’t Worry”
Former and again future president Donald J. Trump today said that U.S. forces were mobilizing to take over a sizeable chunk of Southern Greenland. The World has been shocked by this aggressive, and expansionist move not seen in American History since late manifest destiny. “The military is just swarming around here!” Said Bangor, Maine resident…
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Aliens Land: Demand To Speak To Ron Paul About Austrian Economics
From what humans are now calling “Contact Day”. Aliens landed today outside of most major photogenic cities around the world, and landmarks, in what many are calling “Contact Day”. “I knew this shit was coming” said Dale Hermslinger from Ann Arbor, Michigan, I mean, I built the entire bunker, I really love Ron Paul, and…
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Santa; 8.5 Reindeer Recovered After “Unfortunate Friendly Fire Incident”
About 150 Miles Northwest of Bozeman, Montana – 14:31 Zulu Time Four point two miles up a windy road to the North-West of Bozeman, MT. – You know the type of country. It is a rugged, mountainous, yet beautiful land filled with steep canyons, clear creeks and towering pine trees. It’s the kind of place…
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Kamala Harris “Ponders The Meaning Of Time” Too Long; Swept Into Wormhole
After “Pondering the meaning of time.” or “Pondering the passage of time.” Presidential candidate Kamala Harris Pondered a bit too far, and opened a “loosely-stable level 4-Zeta Wormhole to the not-so-well-charted Zerticular Retaeo.. Probably not the most prudent thing to do. Earlier, they were trying to keep Kamala away from Interdimensional gates, interviews, and Reteao…
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Trump: “My Ear Is A Loser For Looking Like It Wasn’t Shot.”
Former President and Presidential Candidate Donald Trump Today, during a rally in America’s Heartland that is likely a swing-state, perhaps Iowa,: “This god-damn ear is a complete loser; and a complete fraud for not looking like it actually got hit with any sort of anything” said the ex-president. “I mean, that this point I would…
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Terror List Updated; Now Goes From “Unhinged” To “Besties”
The New Government Terror List has been updated. This is a breaking story, and will be updated.
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Nation Disgusted, Enthralled, As DWI Avoiding “Blow Hamsters” Start Appearing On Craigslist, The Dark Web
They’re fluffy, sedated, most are largely rib-less, and many even glow in the dark amazingly. You may have seen them listed on Craigslist as “exotic pets” or “Blowers” or even “Blades”. The so called “Blow Hamster” phenomena isn’t going away anytime soon and in fact seems to be taking off. We have found that at…
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In Alarming Escalation; Shirtless Putin Switches From Horse To Bear
Somewhere, near a very clear fast running stream in Siberia- A Shirtless Vladimir Putin, in what many are calling an “escalator move” and others are calling an “escalatory move”, a very shirtless Putin today switched from riding a Horse to a Bear. “What is this guy doing?” said an unnamed person in the CIA. “We…