Dateline – The San Luis Obispo Times Florida Atlantic Research Institute Cultural Studies Division: 12:34 Atlantic Time:

Agnes: Really?

‘Why you doin’ me like this?” Said newly formed Gulf-of Mexico Hurricane “Agnes” Said Hurricane Agnes! Nearly formed Super-Hurricane “Agnes” just Xed?

“Break Out the walker, turn on Wheel of Fortune, and Hurricane Helene is here!” said newly named “Hurricane Helene”

“I mean, who is naming us at this point, or am I not allowed to ask that sensitive question in this current climate? Said just-became-a-Hurricane Helene actually, before that a tropical depression of course,

Why not just call me “Hedzel or Hazel”.. Oh wait, you guys already did Hazel.. Woah, you guys are a bunch of old-lady-name freaks.

I do have to say as far as Tropical Depressions go, I was a really hardcore one.. I bloomed.., just sayiin’.

I just wanted to ask, on behalf of my other Hurricane brothers who made you (Whoever the people who name Hurricanes are? Come to think of it.. who is it deciding this.. is there a large board-room?.. Are we even allowed to ask bout this?)

You guys just think you are god and can kind of slave-name us with the names of women for Sunny Acres? Not going to happen- Said TSLF (Tropical Liberation Front) Member Adzeme Liquitoto who represents Monsoon names in the Indian Ocean.

This whole thing is taking on a colonialist vibe to us. Isn’t it to you guys too? I mean, these are old white lady names here.

Anyway, just talking with a lot of other Hurricanes and everyone agrees Edna kind of sucks as a Hurricane name here.

I mean, we are a storm to be taken seriously.. and a name that sounds like a woman in a nursing home with a walker is what you choose? Seems like you guys are kind of just being doucheballs about our enormous power at this point.

Helene? Again.. We are Hurricanes here, I mean, old lady in a nursing home name again? Come on guys.

Hazel.. Yeah, I remember Hazel well.. she was 98 years old last time I checked.. come on guys.

Betsy? Yeah, Betsy is going to really ravish you hard.. wait a second, that sounds like another old lady name. I am telling you guys, we are Hurricanes, we are not old ladies! Why do you guys keep doing this to us? OMG!